At the age of around forty, I immigrated to the United States with my child, having only visited the country once before as a tourist. Looking back on these years as a new immigrant, the biggest challenge was the feeling of being lost and helpless. I didn't understand that even going to the bank required an appointment. When I first went to open an account, I naively waited until noon to be served, ending up famished by the time I finished. I didn't know that in the U.S., renting a house required proof of income. Initially, I thought renting a house was as simple as paying rent and a deposit, but I kept hitting walls. Carrying a box of root beer home, I later learned that root beer is not beer. When buying toilet paper, I mistakenly purchased kitchen towels instead. Even after purchasing health insurance, I had no idea how to search for network hospitals or doctors online. Terms like "deductible" and "copay" only added to my confusion. Ignorance can be overcome through learning, but helplessness is a formidable obstacle for new immigrants.

After the initial chaos of the first few months settled down, I obtained various licenses and embarked on a new career as a financial planner. I initially thought this would be a relatively flexible job, but unexpected challenges often arose. Once, a client meeting ran late, and I rushed to pick up my child from school. Unfortunately, there was a traffic accident on Highway 101, causing gridlock. My younger child was still in elementary school, and the principal's office called me one by one, asking if there was anyone else who could pick up my child. There wasn't. Summoning the courage, I asked the only two Chinese neighbors I knew, but they were both unavailable. It was already dark by the time I picked up my younger child from the principal's office. As I drove to pick up my older child, I saw a solitary figure squatting at the school gate. It was already pitch-black outside. The anxiety during the journey, the heartache of seeing my children, and the embarrassment of having no one to turn to made me question the purpose of immigration at that moment.

Several years have passed since then, my children have grown up, my job has stabilized, and I have made a few friends willing to help in critical times. Life may slowly settle into a rhythm. Of course, challenges will still arise from time to time, sometimes intensely and bewilderingly. At some point, I inevitably miss my family back home, the delicious food, and the conveniences of life that are absent here. But I have also grown to appreciate the coolness of summer, the rainbows of winter, and other aspects of life here. As the saying goes, "Home is where the heart is."

我在四十出头的时候，托儿带女，移民到了美国，此前仅仅到美国旅游过一次。回顾这几年新移民的生活，最大的挑战是不懂和无助。不懂去银行也是需要预约的。 初来乍到去银行开户，傻傻地从早上等到了中午才轮到，办完事情已经饿得前胸贴后背。不懂在美国租房子是要看收入证明的。刚来的时候，以为只要付租金和押金，租房就不是难题，结果屡屡碰壁。扛了一箱root beer回家后，才知道root beer不是beer。去买卷筒纸，硬是把厨房纸巾买回了家。买了医疗保险，也不知道怎么查网络医院，查网络医生。deductible，copay 更让人一头雾水。不懂可以学，无助则是新移民难以逾越的难题。

头几个月的忙乱稍稍安定下以后，我考了各种执照，开启自己的新职业——Financial Planner。原本以为这是一个相对灵活的工作，但是一拖二的日子，往往有各种意想不到。一次客户会议拖后了一点时间，我慌慌地开车去学校接娃。偏偏101 公路上发生了车祸，水泄不通。老二还在小学，校长室一个一个电话打来，问我可不可以有其他家里人可以帮忙接孩子？可是没有。厚着脸皮给唯二认识的两个华人邻居，人家正好都不在家。天黑的时候，我才从校长室接到老二。再开车去接老大的时候，看见校门口一个孤单单的影子，蹲在地上。天已经墨墨黑了。一路上的焦灼，看到孩子的心疼， 无人可以帮忙的窘境， 那一瞬间很让我怀疑，移民的目的。

总算这几年过去了，孩子慢慢长大，自己的工作也慢慢安定，关键时候愿意帮忙的朋友也交了几个。日子可能就这样慢慢安定起来。当然挑战时不时的还会有，甚至来得非常猛烈和让人不知所措，也免不了在某个时候特别想念国内亲人，美食以及这里没有的生活便利。但我也渐渐喜欢上夏季的凉爽，冬季的彩虹，以及其他。所谓， 心安之处是吾乡。